Starting Over…again

December, the warning flag that another year is about to end and a new one begin. This is the time of year my best friend Sherry “Ladybug” Underwood and I would spend most of our visits reviewing the past year, celebrating our triumphs, and hashing-out disappointments. We would applaud each other on the good things, and encourage each other to let the bad things go. Then we would focus on the new year and new possibilities ahead. We would plot, and plan, and dream. Nothing was too big for our imaginations.

One thing that was always on our list, that I don’t think she would mind sharing, was losing weight and getting healthier. We would make a plan to start January 1st or the Monday closest to it. One of her favorite sayings was “Monday is a good day to start something new.”

Earlier this year she was called home and left this world for a much better one. It feels weird to face December without her.

She would have been my first call when Iweighed this morning and discovered I am within a few pounds of the same weight I was this time last year. She would have heard me cuss-and-fuss and she would have chuckled said something like, “Don’t start a new diet now, wait until the new year and we can start on Monday” chuckling again. And I would be disagreeable, saying something like, “If I wait until then I will have even more weight to lose.” She would patiently listen to my new intention and then cheer me on daily.

Well she’s not here to listen patiently, so I am just throwing my thoughts down on paper…wait this isn’t paper…throwing my thoughts down on a digital screen.

I weighed today. The &@?!$ scale said I weigh 201.8 pounds. Over the past year I have bounced up-and-down between 188-214. I have tried Keto, Vegetarian, Protein Shakes, Fasting, high fat, low fat, no fat blah-blah-blah. This is ridiculous!

My dad recently sent me a program called “FOOD, What The Heck Should I Eat?” by Dr. Mark Hyman. Looks like it is time to start. So, I am starting over…again.

Today, December 1st, 2018, my intention is to use the doctor’s guidelines in FOOD for nutrition. And, my new Fitbit to track my intention of 10,000 steps a day. My weight loss goal is 50 pounds by my birthday in May.

There will be other conversations I miss having with my best friend as I face the future but for now, she is chuckling in my memory, and cheering me on ”5 months, 50 pounds, you can do this!”

E.A. Fussell

12/01/2018

From The Window Up Above

From the window up above

Are you watching me

As the holidays draw near

Are you missing me

I don’t think so

In heaven there are no tears

But here on earth

My mind fills with memories

Of you cooking for days ahead

Of grandpa smoking meat out back

I think of you both so often and

More during the holidays

You were both so special to me

I love you Granny

E.A. Fussell

11/20/2018

“It’s okay to be different”

We all are in some way

When I was very young

I tried to conform

But when I became a teenager

I took a different path

And each decade

Since the

My thought path grows

And the distance between

Conforming and being different

Grows

E.A.Fussell

11/09/2018

Running From Ghosts

I begin to believe

In love again

Then

Like jagged shards

Of broken glass

Your memory

Cuts through my mind

We were young

So in love

At one time

Unbridled passion

Magnetized

Drawn together

Your voice

Your eyes

Your touch

Heaven

We had such big plans

We knew what we wanted

And we went after it

But we didn’t realize the cost

When we had very little

We still had each other

When we had everything

We lost ourselves

We lost each other

We lost everything

Hearts shattered

So badly broken

Now

When someone whispers

Passionately in my ear

Of how much they love me

And want to take care of me

All I can hear

Are distant screams

Of what it sounds like

When passionate whispers

Turn to hateful insults

And the sweet soul

Standing in front of me

Professing to love me

Wanting to share life with me

Cannot understand

Why

One moment

I am embracing them

As tightly as I can

And the next

I am running away

As fast as I can

They cannot hear

The ghosts from my past

Haunting me

Tauntingly

Questioning

Maybe I’ve never

Really been in love

I wonder

If we were really in love

How could we

Have hurt each other

So much

E.A. Fussell

11/03/2018

There’s Something Sexy About The Rainbows

🎼There’s something sexy

about the rain 🎶

Unless

You’re in Texas

In October

2018

Where it has been raining

And raining

And raining

And you’re a building contractor

Driving from jobsite to jobsite

Watching

Practically

Nothing

Get

Done…

Then Kenny Chesney comes on the radio

Singing about rain

And young love

In a field of sugar cane

And your mind drifts back

To when you were

In South Florida

In a field of sugar cane

Or down a dirt road

In an orange grove

And it was raining

And you were young and in love

And as you drift down memory lane

You have to agree

Sometimes

🎼There’s something sexy

about the rain🎶

E.A.Fussell

10/31/2018

Apple Picking

An apple orchard

On a chilly October day

Watching family members

Romp and play

Climbing the mountain

To get a better view

Of the fall leaf colors and

Sparkling rocks strewn

Across the mountain top

Now down to the valley we go

Picking bags in hand

To the apple trees below

Heavy laden

With red delights

We reach

As high as we might

Grab a dark red apple,

Push up and

Twist gently

Wha La!

Fresh deliciousness in hand

Apple picking in New Hampshire

E.A.Fussell

10/18/2018

Rollin’ A Smoke

My grandpa rolled his cigarettes. I can still smell the sweetness of the tobacco when he opened the Prince Albert can and gently sprinkled the dark pieces onto the paper. As a child it was mesmerizing to watch the process as his rough hands manipulated the delicate paper.

09/17/2018