When the waves of grief
Threaten to drown me
I remind myself
Of the things you enjoyed
And then imagine
You are doing them now
To your hearts content
I see your smiling face
Those big brown eyes
I hear your laugh
I feel your hug
Lifting me up
Out of my sadness

E.A. Fussell
05.11.2024

Mother’s Day, other holidays, their day of birth, their day of death are all extra difficult days for women like me across the world who have had to face the death of a child of any age for any reason. My heart goes out to each of you. I comprehend your never-ending grief and what it takes not to let it consume you.

Lord, bless the mother’s who have had to face the death of a child. Forgive us for questioning You. Help us to realize Your ways are not our ways. Help us to know, even though we do not understand, that it was for the best in Your Kingdom’s master plan. Grant us Divine mercy when we get angry with You. Cover each of us with Divine grace as we daily navigate the memories, sometimes beautiful, sometimes painful that present themselves to us. We never know when they will appear. Give our remaining loved ones patience with us through the years and help them to allow us to continue to express ourselves and deal with our grief individually in our own way for the rest of our lives, and not try and force us into societies current acceptable grieving process whatever that process might be. Years pass but the pain does not. Help us deal with the pain in a constructive way that does not debilitate our Spirit or hurt someone else’s. Ultimately we know You hold our child with more love than we could ever understand. Amen

Mastering detachment from

Thoughts that cause pain

Letting them show up

Letting them go

Not ignoring them exactly

Simply acknowledging

They are there and

A choice can be made

When they come

To engage with them

Or not

Wallow in misery

Become immobilized by pain

Walking down memory lane

Or sit quietly

Reflecting only the love

That exists in the memory

Detachment allows

Awareness of the emotion

While choosing not to get lost in it

On the outside others wonder

What is going on

Is it denial

When will the grief express itself

They fail to understand

The grief expresses itself

Every minute

Internally

Asking me to pick it up

Play with it

Scream, sob, be ripped apart by it

I acknowledge the request

And choose not to participate

At least for this moment

Understanding that

In the next moment

When the invitation comes again

I may not be strong enough

To remain detached

I may choose

To play with grief

Let it overtake me

The invisible battle inside

My mind and heart

Going on minute by minute

Turning me into someone else

I’m not sure who she will be

This woman who no longer

Has a son

Is no longer a mother

Can no longer expect to be called

Grandmother

She is something different

Than the me of a week ago

But not yet what the me will be

After battling this grief

Which moment by moment

Asks to consume me

E.A. Fussell

1.30.2021