Happy 38th Birthday Son

The bravest thing I ever did

Was continue to live

The day you died

Those who see me now

Will never know

The pain I’m in

Or the grief I battle

Each and every day

In a multitude of ways

They can not see

My heart

Ripped and torn

Thinking about

The day you were born

They can not see

My tortured mind

Tangled up

In the ties that bind

A mother to her son

They can not see me

When I’m driving along and

Your favorite song comes on

A memory flashes

The tears freely flow

I see your smiling face

I hear your voice

I reach out to hug you

But you’re only a vapor

Drifting around in my mind

If I seem distant to others

It’s because I am

A part of me

Has left this place

It is gone forever

My heart

Is wherever you are

Happy Birthday Derreck

Love, mom

E.A. Fussell

04.15.2021

In loving memory of my son Timothy Derrreck Howard

04/15/1983 – 01/20/2021

None of my exes live in Texas

True story:

This afternoon as I was checking out at a local store in Lago Vista, Texas the cashier exclaimed,

“I know you!”

I looked at her in bewilderment because I didn’t recall ever having seen her before.

She continued, “Didn’t your ex-husband used to work down the street at the Dollar General?”

I chuckled, “No, all of my

ex-husbands live in Florida and none of them ever worked at Dollar General.”

She laughed, “All! How many do you have?”

I replied, “Let’s just say my song would be titled:

🎶 None of my exes live in Texas 🎶

Then I gathered my bags and gestured goodbye as she chuckled to herself trying to guess the number that I refused to disclose.

E.A. Fussell

10/13/2019

We are all Train Wrecks

Embrace your quirks

And the things

That make you unique

Understand that

We are all

Messed up in some way

So pick your favorite train wreck

And roll with it

Ride it full speed

Until the steam runs out

E.A. Fussell

10/7/2019

Lost

You were candy to my eyes

And poison to my heart

Caught up in your dark eyes

Lost right from the start

E.A. Fussell

10/03/2019

Release Me

Somewhere there is a key

To the rusty heart

Beating in me

If someone finds it

The question is

Will it still fit

Maybe it’s not really lost

But still held in the hand

Of the one whom I loved most

Perhaps one day

He will return

With promises to stay

Will rust and decay

Built up over time

Block the lock, keep him away

Or will a stranger

Take a risk

Ignore the danger

Steal the key

That’s wasting away

Force the lock

And release me

E.A. Fussell

8/13/2019

Peek-A-Boo

Peek-a-boo

I see you

Trying to get a glimpse of me

You’re filled with curiosity

My face is seldom seen

In photos or on the big screen

Am I beautiful or homely

In a relationship or lonely

Do I work more or play

On any given day

It’s not that simple

But I will offer an example

I am an eclectic mix

Can be an exotic fix

I believe in common sense

And happenstance

Work comes first

Then I play with a burst

You’ll seldom see me in a crowd

You might see me in a cloud

Flying high above the earth

Knowing well my full worth

Relationships are not for me

Lonely…no that’s not me

Unhindered by commitment

I enjoy the merriment

But don’t try to fence me in

That’s a challenge you won’t win

Just accept me as I am

And don’t ask me to make plans

E.A.Fussell

8/11/2029

Pirates We Be

Come sail with me

Pirates we be

Riding the high sea

Looking for treasure

The kind that can’t be measured

It lurks in the invisible mist

On the winds of imagination

It will grant our every wish

Whatever our minds can conjure

If our hearts can endure

It’s a treasure for sure

Riding the high sea

Pirates we be

Come sail with me

E.A. Fussell

8/3/2019

Once You Love Me

Be aware

If you’re going to love me

You will never forget me

Long after I’m gone

I will play in your heart

And in your mind

Fading out for a little while

Returning vividly

When a certain song comes on

A certain movie scene plays

A bell rings, or a bird sings

Sometimes the memory of me

Will jump right up out of nowhere

And consume you for a moment

Or two

You will hear my laughter

See my smile

The passion we shared

Cannot be undone

A thread woven thru time

Entwining our lives

I don’t really understand it

But I know it exists

Once you love me

Even when we’re not together

We will visit each other

In a world outside of this

Your lips will still feel my lips

Skin on skin

Hearts racing

Call it a dream, a memory

Call it what you will

The fact remains still

You will never forget me

Once you love me

E.A. Fussell

7/28/2019

Your Presence Matters

Dear friend

Don’t you know

That you are enough

Just the way you are

You were created

By the mighty hand

That holds all the stars

Whether you can see it

Or not

Your presence matters

Whether you can feel it

Or not

You are loved

And whenever you need

To feel it

My arms are always open

For a friendly hug

E.A. Fussell

7/14/2019

Alternate Universe

At the entrance

To my dad’s place

There is a gate

To an alternate universe

No internet

No cell phone

Total disconnection from

The World Wide Web

What you will find

Upon entry is

Lots of family and

Longtime friends

Old fashioned conversation

Love and good intentions

Laughter and fond memories

Of others who’ve passed on

I enjoyed a couple of days

In this refreshing way

When it was time to leave

Reconnect

Plug back in

Participate

In the churning machine

That runs the world

Passing back through the gate

I paused for one last glance

At the entrance

To my dad’s place

And thought to myself

There’s no “app” for this

But if there were

It might be called

Pure Bliss

It is a world I will truly miss

As I head back to my real life

And board a flight to Texas

E.A. Fussell

7/8/2019