Transformation

At times

Motivating myself to exercise

Feels like a a grouper fish

Trying to go for a hike

Impossible

I get all hyped up to do it

Then the alarm goes off

And the hype crumbles

Into resolve

To try again in the evening

Which rolls into the next cycle

Of hyping myself up

And letting myself down

If this rollercoaster of

On-again-off-again motivation

Burned calories

I would be svelte by now

Instead short bursts of progress

Are followed by long plateaus

Which only perpetuate the cycle

This battle with my body

Has plagued me

Since childhood obesity

Warped my self image which

Was harmed further by society’s

Obsession with thin-is-in and

Fit-is-it propaganda

Vogue forbid a female human

Have an ounce of extra poundage

Or an old woman a wrinkle

Ever chasing after

And struggling with transformation

Has been my curse

And thus I awake this morning

For a moment

Winning the tug-of-war inside me

At least for this day

Putting on my sneakers

Pulling on my exercise clothes

Turning on my latest effort

Beachbody Transform :20

And pushing play

E.A. Fussell

06.23.2020