As Mother’s Day approaches

Son
Since your death
I’ve been renovating 
Wrecking myself
Crashing down heart walls

Stumbling through the rubble
Of a life wasted 
Pulling invisible cables 
Trying to hoist myself up
Out of the depths of despair 

Depression can’t have me
I’m elevating
Adding multiple floor levels
Insulating and protecting myself
Layering bricks of numbness 

Upward out of the mire
Of should have 
Could have
What if
If only

Tears flow 
Like a fountain
Forming a mote of memories 
Surrounding me
On all sides

My thoughts are the bridge
Separating the fragile glass castle 
Of my heart
From the dark mired forrest of grief 
Threatening to overtake my mind

E.A.Fussell
05.08.2021

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