If you make the mistake of underestimating the fire within her. She will burn your perception of her to ashes. She has seen a few days go up in a red hot blaze. When all she wanted was to be listened even if not understood. Life is hard. Love is harder. Why can’t couples be more smarter about how they communicate. Yes, love should mostly be light and carefree but it’s okay to have differing opinions, to be able to disagree, without loosing respect for one another.
To say this year hasn’t gone as planned wouldn’t really have much effect and certainly wouldn’t surprise. Just a few weeks left to accomplish whatever might be accomplished. Usually a new year is looked upon with eyes full of hope and a mind full of promise. One would think even more so following this past year of chaos. Interestingly it is not so. There is reserved enthusiasm in the air as we look ahead with one eye while looking back with the other, still not quite sure exactly what we saw but certain it wasn’t what we were made to believe it was. Concerned there may be more tricks up the sleeve of the silent powers that be who use the squawking scorpion, known as social media, to deliver their sting. Oh yes, we know you are there, even when we pretend to be unaware. Lurking in the under belly of darkest green, raking in the profits from everything obscene. Peddling human life at a pittance per pound in staggering ways ancient yet profound. We won’t kick the old dragon we’ll let him roam. Devouring souls one digital screen at a time until the trumpeter blows the celestial horn and a promising new era has finally dawned. We shouldn’t be surprised or alarmed. The story stretches back along a clear line laid out above us for those who seek, they will find, it was written in the stars before the beginning of time.
Nothing is so painful to the human mind as a great and sudden change. Breaking up the perception of who we are, rather who we think we are, more properly stated who we thought we were.
Change is difficult for most humans. Even if the change is ultimately positive. We tend to like to stay put in the stories that define who we are: husband, wife, sibling, friend, doctor, lawyer, executive, teacher, etcetera. Even when those stories are painful: overweight, handicapped, addict, abused, etcetera. There is comfort in familiarity, even when it’s a miserable familiarity.
One of the reasons we stay in miserable situations is the fear of change. When the tiniest idea of changing ourselves or our circumstances enters our thoughts the mind begins bombarding us with questions:
What are you going to do if you leave/quit/move?
How will you survive?
How will your family survive?
What about the children?
Are you prepared to lose your friends over this decision?
Seriously, you don’t want to be a doctor anymore?
Are you kidding me, after all that time and money invested?
On and on and on. The wording just changes based on who you think you are. That is the point, who do you think you are? Why do you think that?
When you arrived on this planet you were nobody with nothing. A tiny microscopic piece of the universe showing up in the form of a baby human. Then your parents, or someone, gave you a name and started describing you. Then you went to school or some form of education and that system added a layer of description to you via teachers and friends. Then you went to work and that experience added another layer of description onto you. Each intimate relationship added another layer of who others think you are.
Layer, upon layer, upon layer of outside influencers telling you who you should think that you are. Anchoring your mind, tying you to perceptions and beliefs. But who are you really? When you quiet all the chatter, turn off your belief system, sit quietly listening to nothing.
Who are you?
Can you even recognize yourself without the voice in your head telling you who everyone else says that you are? When that voice is silent and not allowed to tell you what to believe or what you should do, can you recognize yourself? Is it scary to sit with the inner you? Does panic threaten to set in when you realize you really are not what or who you thought you were?
Who are you?
Are you able to realize that you are part of master creation? That stardust runs through your veins? That all knowledge silently rests within you waiting for you to comprehend it’s yours for the asking? Are you able to realize that everything you will ever need you already have?
Only a few will be able to sacrifice the mind to get to their heart. The heart where true power resides. No judgments, no prejudice, no striving, no struggling. Peace, contentment, indifference, detachment, love, acceptance, abundance. To enter this internal place, to understand this is where the entire universe resides, requires the willingness to inquire. To sit silently with oneself inquiring of oneself. This may create a great and sudden change from which you may never be the same.
But, even after this grand quiet epiphany, you may choose, and you can choose, to return to the you the world knows. The familiar you. Your mind will immediately encourage you to pick it all back up, to put back on your old beliefs and descriptions of yourself. It will flood you with the desire to return to the familiar, even if it’s miserable, because:
Nothing is so painful to the human mind as a great and sudden change.
E. A. Fussell 