Please don’t try to fix me

I would ask you to understand me

But how could I ask such a thing

When I don’t even

Understand myself

Sometimes

I get sad

My energy gets low

I just need time alone

So alone I go

Secluding myself

Within myself

Shutting out the world

Restoring my vitality

Improving my soul

Eventually I let the world back in

For a time

I never know how long

The season of allowing

Will last

Before the season of alone

Begins again

The alone season is just as

Unpredictable

It can be a day, a week, a month

Until I feel able

To face the push and pull

Of other souls

All going about their normal life

Oblivious of my strife

My smile hides it well

Only a few other seasoned souls

Can tell

Through the light in my eyes

They know it well

They live it too

Something unexplainable inside

Sometimes dim

Sometimes bright

E.A. Fussell

11.07.2020

Death comes

Whether we are ready or not

Age doesn’t matter

Goodness of heart doesn’t matter

Death comes

In the spring when the flowers bloom

I will remember

The goodness in your heart

In the fall when the leaves change

And the colors pop

I will remember your sence of humor

And how you use to make me laugh i

In winter when the snow falls

I will remember the beauty

Of your soul

And one day my dear sweet cousin

We will meet again

When it is my time

And

Death comes

E.A. Fussell

O8.08.2013

It is better to live your own destiny

Imperfectly

Than to live an imitation of

Somebody else’s life perfectly

Said a different way

I am not what I think I am

And

I am not what you think I am

I am what I think you think I am

How much of your person is created

By the description of others

Your family

Your friends

Your teachers

Your co-workers

Your lovers

All have given you a description

Of yourself

The person you conduct yourself as

But is it who you really are

Maybe

Maybe not

What sets your soul on fire

With passion

What makes your heart lift

With joy

What gives energy to your being

Just by looking at it

Listening to it

Tasting it

Smelling it

How much time each week

Are you involved

With those type things

If you answered

A lot

Then you are truly blessed

If you answered too little

Then change it

This life is very short

In the blink of an eye

You can choose the life

That expresses your true self

Don’t let time get away from you

Make a decision to let your ego rest

Grab hold of the things

That allow you to live your life’s best

Don’t wait

Do it now

Now is all you have

E.A. Fussell

11.05.2020

Do you ever get off track

I do

Then I have one of those

Conversations with myself

You know the kind

Where you beat yourself up a little

Until you re-commit and

Double down the effort

To stay on track

Health is my focus and

Releasing body fat is part of that

Overall target

I chug along on track

Releasing a few pounds

That eventually total twenty

Then

Nothing

I’m stuck on a plateau platform

It’s more difficult to stay

On a strict plan when

You aren’t experiencing results

So

Off track I go

Walking less

Eating more

Then

A pound gained here another there

HOLD-UP

I tell myself

We are NOT going backwards again

Followed by

A harsh verbal beating of myself

Then a calm remembering

Of progress made this year

And an enthusiastic setting

Of a new goal

Doubling down on my commitment

To stay focused

To stay on track

So

Here I go

I’m on my way

To another minus twenty

Destination depot

E.A. Fussell

11.04.2020

Is something

Good or bad

No one knows until

Thinking makes it so

Where do thoughts come from

Perception influences our thinking

Removing perception

Is no easy thing to do

Sit in silent awareness

Let the thought clouds

Come and go

Attach to nothing

Get to your true self

The you who knows

That everything is an illusion

Playing itself out across the mind

Making us think a thing is

Good or bad

But in our heart we can find

That thoughts

Are nothing but passers by

Unless we attach ourselves to them

Giving them life

Otherwise they just float off and die

Choose to live in peace

Let thoughts pass on by

E.A. Fussell

11.03.2020

Sit still

Breathe

In

Breathe

Out

Let awareness be

Don’t imagine

Don’t attach

To any thought

Quietly observe

As thoughts pass

Through your mind

Like clouds

Passing in the sky

No need to reason with them

No need to react to them

Detach

Observe

Breathe

Out

Breathe

In

Sit still

E.A. Fussell

11.03.2020

It’s a disturbing feeling

When your mouth speaks words

That do not match the words

Your mind is thinking

When it first started

I didn’t think much of it

Now it has become worrisome

I would like to say

It is a mind too full of thoughts

Combined with lack of focus

But that is not the case

Awareness of what I am saying

Has never been more heightened

Thus the greater alarm

When the words come out all wrong

No symptoms of an underlying issue

No evidence of stroke

Only jumbled sentences

Of words mis-spoke

Treatment protocol has started

To improve cognition and memory

It seems to be helping

At least it’s easing the misery

Of worrying

I’m too young to lose my mind

I wish that I had invested my time

Less in doing and accomplishing

More in seeing and just being

E.A. Fussell

11.02.2020

If you make the mistake of underestimating the fire within her. She will burn your perception of her to ashes. She has seen a few days go up in a red hot blaze. When all she wanted was to be listened even if not understood. Life is hard. Love is harder. Why can’t couples be more smarter about how they communicate. Yes, love should mostly be light and carefree but it’s okay to have differing opinions, to be able to disagree, without loosing respect for one another.

E.A. Fussell

10.30.2020

To say this year hasn’t gone as planned wouldn’t really have much effect and certainly wouldn’t surprise. Just a few weeks left to accomplish whatever might be accomplished. Usually a new year is looked upon with eyes full of hope and a mind full of promise. One would think even more so following this past year of chaos. Interestingly it is not so. There is reserved enthusiasm in the air as we look ahead with one eye while looking back with the other, still not quite sure exactly what we saw but certain it wasn’t what we were made to believe it was. Concerned there may be more tricks up the sleeve of the silent powers that be who use the squawking scorpion, known as social media, to deliver their sting. Oh yes, we know you are there, even when we pretend to be unaware. Lurking in the under belly of darkest green, raking in the profits from everything obscene. Peddling human life at a pittance per pound in staggering ways ancient yet profound. We won’t kick the old dragon we’ll let him roam. Devouring souls one digital screen at a time until the trumpeter blows the celestial horn and a promising new era has finally dawned. We shouldn’t be surprised or alarmed. The story stretches back along a clear line laid out above us for those who seek, they will find, it was written in the stars before the beginning of time.

E.A. Fussell

10.28.2020